Clean out the Cache

“You know, this would go much faster if you would clean out your cache once in a while.”  These were the words I received from my husband as he was working on my computer.  My response was, “My what?” He was telling me that my computer was running slow because of all of the unnecessary files in my cache.  There were files that I didn’t need or use that were still in my computer memory that were clogging it up and keeping my computer from running as it was intended to.  The worst part was that I had no idea that they were there. 

My computer issue mirrored life a bit.   We have a lot of things that are in our memory cache whether we are aware of them or not.  These are the things that drag us down or keep us so busy that we don’t have time for the tasks that are in front of us.  I am not saying they all need to be deleted, some just need to be filed away into the right spot.  Going through all of this can be an overwhelming task but if done on a regular basis, it will allow us to keep doing what we were purposed to do.  As with my computer, this process takes time.

What do these files in our lives contain?  These include past failures, successes, other people’s successes and failure, and don’t forget the Shouldof’s and Couldov’s.  They contain hurts and happiness (that we wish we had again).  They also hold hopes and ways of achieving goals.  They are not always a negative thing, they are often full of information we needed at a time that we keep holding on to just because we don’t recognize it as being there and that it is guiding our lives.

We all have a lot of stuff going on in the background of our lives that affect what is on the screen.   This leads me to two questons that I need to ask myself on a regular basis, "Am I working as I was intended to" and if not, “Am I willing to clean out the cache?”

Dance

            I love to watch my daughter dance.  Picture if you will a little 5 year old girl stretching out her arms, hands extended, fingers pointed with large movements twirling around the room. She is always dancing. Whether she has an audience or not she loves to dance and puts everything she has into her dances.   She is not concerned about making mistakes or looking silly, she just wants to express herself through her dancing. 

I love the simplicity she shows in those moments.  Her little voice saying “I can’t help it Mommy, I just have to dance.”  It just warms my heart.

  I think about how often I long for that kind of simplicity and then make a plan to achieve it that is beyond any semblance of simplicity.  To liken it to a dance, I have to watch the video/teacher, make sure that I have everything in the right place and positioned correctly.  I have to make sure that the music I am dancing to matches the dance I am doing.  I get so caught up in details that I forget to just enjoy the moment. 

Just like in dancing, there is some practice and preparation that has to be done sometimes in orderfor everything to come together.  To be honest, I don't really have much of a problem with that part of life.  I need to work on just "dancing because 'I just have to'"  So today, I am committing myself to just dance just for a little while.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Happy Birthday to Me!  I am now officially 39.  Oh how that number scares me.  I don’t know why, but it does.  I think I am finally hitting what I always thought of as the “old age”.  I know that is just not true, but old beliefs tend to hang around even when they are proven wrong.

            So here I am on my Birthday and I have started a list of 39 things I want to accomplish before turning 40.  I am not going to go into all of them, but I will say that it starts with actually getting on and writing in the blog that I set up a year or so ago.  I promised a good friend that I would start even though I have many concerns about doing so.  Mostly things like, “what if no one reads it?” “What if I write something stupid and reveal that I am not really all that smart?”  “What things of substance do I really have to say anyway?”  These are the things that I lose sleep over!

My friend reminded me that we are all in the process of growing and that I am not expected to be perfect.  Another friend reminded me that everything I do should be for an audience of One and, well, that pretty much put all of the concerns into perspective for me.  I want this blog to be a source of encouragement and enrichment to the readers, but more than that, I want to Glorify God.  I am far from perfect or even together, but I do love the Lord and want to share that with others.  I do hope that you will journey with me and we can navigate this crazy world together.

So what does all this have to do with my Birthday?  Well, this is my present to myself.  I am moving beyond the idea stage, putting away my excuses, facing my fear and moving forward.  Who knows what will come of it, but I am glad to be doing it.